Why I made a sex tape

     A few years ago, I made a sex tape. It wasn’t a very good one. Just a short, two minute video of me giving a blowjob to my long term partner at the time. I did it because we loved each other, he was going on a work trip, so we made him a happy time video. We made it in fun. We made it for us. I should not have to defend myself for making this video. Ever.

     Every time I hear of celebrity having a sextape sold and released without their permission, I am furious. This is not ok. Make no mistake, watching these videos and looking at these pictures makes you worse than the man who wants to look in your neighbor’s 4 year old daughter’s window. Don’t believe me? At least that creep and everyone else knows what he’s doing is wrong. He would go to jail if he was caught. He would be beaten within an inch of his life. People would label him a pervert, and look at him sideways every time he went to Wal-Mart.

     But not you.  You’re sitting there in front of a screen, looking at pictures and videos not meant for you. Only you don’t think you’re wrong to do so. What makes you any different than that peeping tom? Not a single damn thing.

     Most people in porn are being paid for their services. Those models in Playboy, Playgirl, Hustler, and the like are choosing to be paid to provocatively pose for you. They have signed paperwork giving permission for the distribution of the photos and videos. They intend for these items to be consumed in that manner. They want you to look at them.

     A nude selfie from a wife to her husband? Not for you. Do you watch your neighbors through the closet door without permission? Looking at a stolen nude picture or sex tape is the same thing. Being famous does not eliminate the right to privacy. Stop that creepy shit. 

     Posting a sex tape or nude photos of your exes for revenge? Creepy too. You do not have permission. I don’t care if they cheated on you, stole your dog and pissed on your porch. Posting those things makes you just as horrible as they are. Put on your big girl panties princess and recognize the consequences of your actions.

      Every time you do this, you are giving permission to other people to hurt you and your loved ones. You send the message that its ok to blur the lines between good and creepy if you feel pain. Being hurt does not give you permission to rape or kill someone. It does not excuse you from shooting up a school or blowing up a neighbor’s car. The same applies to posting pictures and videos, and yes, looking at them.  You cannot tell me one is worse than the other. All of these are sickening.  All of these are harmful. All of these are crimes.  

      What if one day you met the most amazing person. The one for you. You love them. They love you back. You’re going to marry them. Maybe you already have. Maybe y’all have two beautiful children, a puppy and outstanding careers. Then one day they find out that a jealous ex posted private pictures of them, or a hacker released pictures meant for your eyes only. Your privacy has been violated in more ways then one. They will suffer and so will you.

     Before you blame the victim, ask yourself why you are saying “They shouldn’t have taken the picture or made the video.” What you are saying is the victims deserve this. Not “people shouldn’t look at these pictures. Media should not buy them or post links”. Stop trying to justify it.

     If you looked these pics, or posted them, then said something like “They shouldn’t have taken it if they didn’t want others to look.” You need to admit to yourself that you are being a creep. You are trying to excuse your bad behavior. You need to stop that shit too. 

     If I wear a dress, I have a reasonable expectation that some creep is not going to attach a camera to his shoe and try to get a panty shot. If I make a sex video with my future husband, future wife, future partner, I have a reasonable expectation that they are not going to sell that tape if things go south. I should have a reasonable expectation that should something of mine gets released without permission, that criminal charges will be filed, the person responsible for leaking the video is shamed within an inch of their life, and my family and friends will rally around me.

     Taking an of age provocative selfie or making a consensual sexual video with a loved one is not a mistake. It is a choice. A private choice.  No one has the right to steal it. No one has the right to shame you. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. 


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